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Louis in London today - April 15, 2014.

I’m tired of this, help me out.

fiestylou:

I love one direction. I LOVE THEM. but at the same time I’m not up to date with anything in this fandom. I still reblog them when I see them on my dash.

but at some point I think I might transition to a personal blog/one direction.
I hope I don’t lose too many followers when this happens… b/c then I’ll just end up deleting and I need this as a vice so please stick with me.

I’ll probably change my url, and maybe my icon but I’m not sure yet.
I’m definitely still a One Direction blog, but first and foremost I am a personal blog, and want to be able to do more than just One Direction.

Now, if I could just get some input on this that would be great. I won’t be changing for awhile. I won’t be unfollowing very many at all. I still want 1D on my dash but I won’t be solely One Direction anymore. I don’t know when this is going to happen. I’m just never on tumblr anymore, I have a queue set up and everything but I check it rarely and don’t do stuff a lot. I wish I did though, because it makes me happy to be on here.

I’m in college and I have a boyfriend so I have other responsibilities.
But please stick with me, because I’ll still stick with you. ♥

when he does the completely unnecessary thing

fiestylou:

OK so I know everyone just loves Harry or they love Liam, Niall, Zayn or Louis…

But with Harry for me I just don’t know… it’s like I’ve forgotten what its like to have a crush on someone I’ve actually met…and a lot of fans are young and they all love the boys and such…I understand.. lol we all fangirl ok. but being 18.. my feelings are a little different..
I know everybody’s got their own little fantasies and I have my own which I’ve considered writing into a fanfic. I just don’t have the time.
I honestly do love his boy and if I ever met him I’d spend every ounce of my time getting to know him even more and just being with him because I think I’m legitimately in love with him.
Yeah I know it’s weird to say because: oh gosh I’ve never met him. I’m just another fangirl. He doesn’t know I exist. He’ll never know who I am. I’ll never ever get to meet him. millions of other girls have these same feelings

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

and I’m worried that when he’s in a relationship I’ll be so heart broken and want to forget about my feeling but I don’t think I’d ever be able to do that…I’ll always love this boy and lord I want to be with him so badly it hurts sometimes. My heart aches when I think about how he doesn’t know who I am and I fear that I’ll never meet him/he’ll never meet me. I want to meet him so badly and make an impression on him so that he’ll know who I am and so that he won’t forget me. that he’ll need to know me more.

Maybe if I write it into a fanfic, my feelings for him and what I’ve imagined, I’ll have it forever. If I turn my actual thoughts of what it would be like to meet him, how I would meet him, how our relationship would progress and span out, ups and downs..I have everything thought out already. or at least I’ve thought of these things and moved on in the story in my imagination to the next phase in the relationship…

Gawd I feel like I sound like an idiot…but he is literally the only boy I’ve thought about for 5 months now… and my heart hurts….I want everything to come true… but the worst part is… it’s most likely never ever going to happen…

someone give me advice? My heart actually aches for him…
message me if you’ve actually read what I took the time to type out.. I know.. it’s messy and hard to understand but it’s my train of thought… 

*i made this like 2 months ago. when I started college the feelings subsided. [since then I have started my fanfic which hasnt gotten far but it starts at the beginning of my ‘dreams’/’imaginings’ .I guess they sort of subsided with their career kinda being ‘on break’ as such. but yeah now they’re back. i dont have a problem with it. i have my dreams and my imagination. it’s not creepy. ok. the dreams, they’re not necessarily dirty. I just imagine being with him and situations, life events with him, struggles, emotions, issues, complete bliss and happiness. and I get the butterflies back. I don’t know what it is. I know I’ll never have a chance. I mean he’s famous. I’m a college kid. so noone ever be sad you can’t have your celebrities you’re absolutely in love with. I’m in college. I never thought people would love me or find me attractive. but people like me, call me hot/beautiful/fun/above average. I’m completely shocked b/c I’ve never thought about myself in those ways at all. Yes I’m sad I’ll  most likely never ever meet harry but at least I can accept it. Dreams. Your Imagination. thats where you need to live for these things to be a reality.*

he makes me love him so much that i hate him.

I’ve never met him. Probably never will.

Why is this kind of love possible.

it should be illegal. 
whenever i sit on tumblr and look at everything 1D related i just immediately deflate…sometimes and most of the time it inflates me and makes me happy. but when it depresses me…its a lot…..and i think ill never have a chance which is kinda true. but if you have a dream chase it. i mean isn’t that what the boys are doing? if i want to meet them and have them really remember me, I’m going to do it damnit. and if i dont. then that’ll be a huge regret i’ll have in life. 

I do believe it’s possible to fall in love with someone you have never met. I also strongly believe in fate.

I see him all the time in pictures, in the news, i hear his voice in interviews and his personality comes out in those interviews. And I feel like I know him.

I guess it sounds kind of ridiculous…but…thats me. and its what I have to live and deal with. This knowing that I will never meet the person I love.
If ‘love’ is even applicable for this situation I’m in that is… 

I know I’m not the only one too. So don’t think that I’m being selfish or anything. I know many others love the boys. 
I have a lot of feelings. and I’m not saying that to be funny in any way. I mean it. and alot of the feelings are hard to explain and I feel that others wouldn’t be able to grasp what they mean to me…

I know that chances that Harry will see this are very slim…which bums me out :/ but I think the thought that Harry could see this…scares me… what would he say… what would he think…. would he care… would he react …I’m afraid.
my heart feels like its flying in my chest. fluttering back and forth like a butterfly. but what would I say he he said something to me…

image

yeah the last heart. that’s a pretty accurate description of how I feel.

I made this post almost a year ago and I put it in my drafts and I’ve been adding on to it ever since. There is a lot in this post. It wasn’t just thought of and typed out in an hour. No. This is the confusion I feel in my heart and I still feel like an idiot bringing “my heart” into this…but….I mean it. 
Every single word.

ok so updating again. (started this a year and a half ago). By now my One Direction obsession has died down. I’m on tumblr a lot less. I haven’t been keeping up with the boys. All I know is they’re on their tour, they have a 3D movie coming out, Harry has to be banned from tattoo shops, and Louis looks damn sexy with tattoos.
But anyways, in regards to loving Harry Styles. My feelings I think have gone away. It may have been all the unnecessary tattoos, the fact that I’ve grown away from the fandom (obsession), or just because I knew it could never happen but I’m still happy with myself. this all doesn’t make sense I know.
I’m about to finish my freshman year if college, I’m 18 almost 19, summer 2013 is upon us, and I have a boyfriend. He’s my first boyfriend, my first relationship, my first kiss. I’m really happy.

I don’t need to go back and read all the things I said about One Direction. I know what I said, and when I was writing it I meant it. Although, now I don’t feel that way. I’ve grown, and I can’t say I’ve grown out of 1D, because eI still love them, still love their music, still support them, and will still drop everything to hear a new single, see them on TV, and buy a new album. But I know all I wrote above, and thinking about it, I feel silly. It’s a typical fangirl dream/obsession/stage. But I still feel, although it’s not the right word, for lack of a better term or phrase, embarrassed.

Don’t let an obsession with a band slow your life down. Go ahead and have our daydreams, your fanfics, but always remember to come back to reality. It’s so good, even if you haven’t found the good yet, you will eventually. I didn’t think I would but I did. And I’m really happy with my life and I have so much more of it ahead of me.

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[pretty sure this is at least two years old and I just never posted it. I’m realizing now all this is ridiculous. It was ridiculous to feel that way about someone I had never met. Yeah It’s ok to have those fantasies but don’t dwell on them. 2 years ago I discovered, heard about, really listened and cared about One Direction. I made this tumblr to blog about them and become a part of the fandom. And now I never go on here, and when I do it’s rare and I’m just checking things or searching something random. I’m still a big 1D fan. I buy their albums and try my best to stay up to date on their news. But it doesn’t mean I love them any less. As far as pathetic boy band crushes go. I’m embarrassed about half of this post. I’m 19 years old and I have a steady boyfriend of 9 months and I am the happiest I have ever been…. Now I don’t really know what else to add. I think it’s best to post this now, I think thats all thats left to do really.]

"Boys are like lumps of coal. They’re dirty and they’re cheap and they get hot when they’re rubbed. And some turn into diamonds."